To sweet beginnings…

I attended a wedding on June 18. It was probably one of the most beautiful weddings I’ve been to. The couple in question have been together for a while, and been through a lot together. It’s been a long(ish) journey for them, though a fulfilling one.

I guess one would say that they have their fairytale ending now… but I think I prefer to think of it as a beginning rather than an end in itself, at the risk of sounding terribly sentimental.

The other part that was pretty cool about this wedding was the DIY aspect of it. The bride works as a graphic designer, and she designed the invitations and programs (like the one above) all by herself. The little bags for the wedding favors at the reception were also designed and sewn by her. They were so cute that the other people at the table I was sitting, and I, were all deciding to use them as cell phone cases (see right: my cell phone is inside).

In my church, it’s customary to have a smaller, more informal “reception” with some light refreshments and drinks before the real reception, held in some hotel or castle or something, commences. That part was also DIY in the sense that a bunch of her friends got together the night before and made all the treats. They were pretty fancy: little tiny tart things filled with chocolate and fruit, and some mini egg souffle type of thing with bacon and spinach.

But here’s the most amazing one, and I take credit for this idea: the cake toppers were made the bride as well! Some time ago, I saw some ninja cake toppers selling on Etsy (can’t find the link now), and knowing that the bride was into ninjas, sent a link to her kind of jokingly recommending that she use those. She ended up buying the wood the next day and sanding it down to make them. They turned out looking phenomenal.

The cake toppers were for a cupcake tier, rather than a wedding cake. I think the cupcake tier was a hit.

I also had a great time catching up with friends I don’t see too often.

To my friends Wing and James: Congratulations on your marriage, and may God bless them on the journey ahead.

Postscript

But I have come to realize that if my ceramic heart and all its secrets which are locked away inside slips from my ever-careful fingers, I would have you pick up the pieces.

Not to be careless, like those who drop their hearts in front of unsuspecting lonely strangers who then leave them alone to sweep up the shards as best as they can… or as I have done… but to hold it gently but daringly out to another lonely understanding soul…

Closer to you, one secret at a time.

—–

Happy new year, everybody! I hope that 2011 brings you much joy.

and we called that calculation perfect love

So we made our own computer out of macaroni pieces
And it did our thinking while we lived our lives
It counted up our feelings
And divided them up even
And it called that calculation perfect love

— The Calculation, by Regina Spektor

Speaking of perfect love, I was browsing blogs some time ago when I stumbled on this really intriguing Etsy product, spotlighted on Here Comes the Sun, who found it on tumblr.

The description as written on her blog:

Corezone is a ceramic heart-shaped vessel that you can place your thoughts, feelings and emotions into. Write them down on pieces of paper and put them inside. You must then physically break your own heart to free them.

From the Etsy listing description itself:

An attempt to fulfill emotional needs by the means of an object, a try to withhold immaterial beeing in a material space.

Very interesting! The shop recently reopened, selling this item and they’re selling very fast. I can’t say that I’ve ever seen a product like this. It’s like a piggy bank, except you don’t put money into it. You put things that are intangible, like thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Things you might not want people to see. Things you might want to keep hidden away. And if you ever want to find them again, you have to break the heart. It’s like a diary, except that you have to take some drastic measures to read what you’ve written.

These things are, in a sense, more precious than gold or silver. They are little scraps of paper which are wound tightly around our own hearts, and through the pulse and the beat remind us that we are living and breathing. They contribute to who we are.

Makes me think of true love.

Maybe we as human beings speak of finding true love and our “Heart’s Desire.” At the same time, we would protect our hearts so truly, barricade them in a dungeon… protect them too truly till we forget that we once knew what true love meant.

Falling in love is dangerous.

Automatons in glass houses, and paper birds in our skies.

We would hide our true feelings so deeply that we would bypass true love and the things we really need. Simply because true love is a fearsome thing. Deep. And heartbreaking in so many ways. Risky. Like promises made in the dark and a crumbling at the sunrise and a setting into stone all at once.

Or are we are so blinded by our failures that some of us would rather believe that there is no such thing as true love? Because while I hold out my heart to you, you could leave me alone to pick up the pieces when it falls? If I took the biggest risk of loving someone who might never ever love me back, what should I do when I have lost the gamble? Or because I have already held my heart out to someone who walked away with it, and it took me a while to glue it back together?

So in the process, we would make our love a small small thing. We’re safe, but are we happy?

Our love would be precise and calculated, give a little of this and take a little of that, and someone to keep the balance and a glass jar full of change. If you offer your heart, strings are attached and they must not break. I like you, but we must live our lives making sure the balances are kept, one on either side of the wall.

We would have it all, and we have nothing.

And we don’t know anything… anything at all. Because we would not reveal too much, or release too much. In a sense, the loneliness of comforting, because the unknown is rather too frightening.

Though we are together, we are actually alone…

Maybe sometimes we do try to lock away our feelings and emotions inside little glass boxes, and attempt to hide the key somewhere so far away that we’ll eventually forget where we put it?

What if you were to one day wake up, and take our little glass hearts, and break them, letting all our buried thoughts and emotions spill out into the daylight? And the wall shall break, and there will only be “green grass where it once stood…”

To find true love, you might have to go deeper.

You might even have to break your heart to get there.

Pictures from Etsy. Song lyrics: The Calculation by Regina Spektor, from the 2009 album Far.

i won’t let go of your hand

Two birds on a wire
One tries to fly away and the other
Watches him close from that wire
He says he wants to as well but he is a liar

– “Two Birds” by Regina Spektor

I was trying to find a Youtube video with the song, and I found this utterly charming music video, filmed and directed by Alex Calleros and starring Adele Watkin and Dan Beckner.

I think it’s absolutely beautiful, not to mention poignant. And it almost makes me want to cry.

Both song and music video illustrate so well what happens when a couple grows apart instead of growing together. Maybe one wants the two of them to keep moving forward in life. However, the other one is, for some reason, afraid. Maybe afraid of what those changes might mean. Afraid that things won’t be the same.

Afraid that if he (using he because of the music video, though it can always be a she) himself were to change, he would no longer be in control of anything.

The sky’s too big.

Exhausted even before he makes the effort, he sits on the couch and plays video games.

Two birds on a wire
One says c’mon and the other says I’m tired

He is the bird clinging to the wire, while the other bird, the one who wants to fly away with him, keeps telling him that he’s slowly killing himself where he’s at.

I’ll believe it all
There’s nothing I won’t understand
I’ll believe it all
I won’t let go of your hand

In retrospect, it looks foolish. His bird companion wants to help him. She takes him as he is and tries to understand where he’s coming from. At the same time, she knows that he can’t stay on the wire. We were never meant to just stay where we are. Birds fly, even if the sky is overcast. We can’t avoid change, however much we’d like to. Even though change is scary.

But when change can be a beautiful thing as well?

She’s even promising not to let go of his hand.

The sad thing is that she can’t sit on the wire with him forever, either. Eventually she will have no choice but to leave him on the wire, if he wishes to stay there. Even sadder, these are two people who have made a commitment to each other, out of love. He delays her journey from the wire as well as his own by leading her on, telling her that sure, he’s going to do it when really he’s not.

He says that he will but he’s just a liar

How many times have I wanted things to remain the same as they ever were? How many times have I purposely kept myself from moving just so things could stay as they were?

We can all be scared little birds sometimes, but we have to move on and let go of the wire if we are to live the full life that we were meant to live.

After all, the sky is a big place.

But we’re not alone.

I won’t let go of your hand. . .

All photos are under a CC license and used with permission. Click photos for credits.

You and Me

At the moment, touched by another’s kindness.

You?