She was leaning a little forward, her head bent as if she were trying to hear some unfamiliar sound in the distance.
– The Perilous Gard, by Elizabeth Marie Pope
I struggle with my fears a lot. Mainly the fear of failure, fears of not being good enough, fears of not being able to get what I think I want.
Sometimes I’m afraid that my blog writing is not good enough and that no one will want to read it. Or that I only think I’m good, and that in reality it doesn’t match up to invisible standards. I suppose that’s stupid, because I do have a very loyal readership. Or that I’ll stop blogging for a while to take care of other matters and then find out that no one wants to read my blog any more once I come back.
Pointless, all of them. But I have to admit that I am really relieved to find out after reading the blog posts of many of my blogger friends that I am not the only one who feels this way. I’m not the only one who struggles with thoughts that her writing isn’t good enough. I’m not the only one who is afraid of losing readers by posting thoughts that people may not want to hear. I’m not the only one who is hesitant to reveal struggles because of alienation — “but what will people think?” I’m not the only one who is afraid that I will get so caught up with the idea of comments and readers and compliments that I will lose myself and the whole point of my blogging somewhere in the mess.
From Blair at Wild and Precious:
I know I might lose followers & comments might be few, but I am set on not letting my days be dictated by numbers. I will break free from blogging rules – my posts might be too long, too personal, uninteresting to the majority of readers, but they will be me.
These bloggers are ones I look up to. I consider their blogs standards of which to aspire to.
I wonder what they were thinking as they typed out their confessions; if they were wondering how many readers would turn away with disgust at the decisions they were making. But instead of regarding them with scorn for their struggles, I feel blessed by their honesty and willingness to share their thoughts.
If anything, I look up to them more.
The knowledge that I am not alone is infinitely encouraging, especially through this blogging journey. I have much to thank for their honesty, because it has helped me.
Everyone struggles. That is a fact of life. But who knows who may be helped by the reassurance that they are not alone in their struggles, and that others have gone through similar experiences and triumphed?
Who knows who may be helped because someone decided to open their heart?
Reader, I just want to let you know something. You are not alone in this. Fear is crippling. It has a tendency to take hold, and once it takes hold, it grows thick roots. It’s nourished by discouragement and failure. But it is a burden which can be laid down.
I am trying to let courage take its place.
What fears will you lay down this year?
Thanks to Ingrid at My Peacetree and Blair at Wild and Precious for their honesty. ❤
*Pictures taken by me.