to lay down fears that hold

She was leaning a little forward, her head bent as if she were trying to hear some unfamiliar sound in the distance.

– The Perilous Gard, by Elizabeth Marie Pope

I struggle with my fears a lot. Mainly the fear of failure, fears of not being good enough, fears of not being able to get what I think I want.

Sometimes I’m afraid that my blog writing is not good enough and that no one will want to read it. Or that I only think I’m good, and that in reality it doesn’t match up to invisible standards. I suppose that’s stupid, because I do have a very loyal readership. Or that I’ll stop blogging for a while to take care of other matters and then find out that no one wants to read my blog any more once I come back.

Pointless, all of them. But I have to admit that I am really relieved to find out after reading the blog posts of many of my blogger friends that I am not the only one who feels this way. I’m not the only one who struggles with thoughts that her writing isn’t good enough. I’m not the only one who is afraid of losing readers by posting thoughts that people may not want to hear. I’m not the only one who is hesitant to reveal struggles because of alienation — “but what will people think?” I’m not the only one who is afraid that I will get so caught up with the idea of comments and readers and compliments that I will lose myself and the whole point of my blogging somewhere in the mess.

From Blair at Wild and Precious:

I know I might lose followers & comments might be few, but I am set on not letting my days be dictated by numbers. I will break free from blogging rules – my posts might be too long, too personal, uninteresting to the majority of readers, but they will be me.

These bloggers are ones I look up to. I consider their blogs standards of which to aspire to.

I wonder what they were thinking as they typed out their confessions; if they were wondering how many readers would turn away with disgust at the decisions they were making. But instead of regarding them with scorn for their struggles, I feel blessed by their honesty and willingness to share their thoughts.

If anything, I look up to them more.

The knowledge that I am not alone is infinitely encouraging, especially through this blogging journey. I have much to thank for their honesty, because it has helped me.

Everyone struggles. That is a fact of life. But who knows who may be helped by the reassurance that they are not alone in their struggles, and that others have gone through similar experiences and triumphed?

Who knows who may be helped because someone decided to open their heart?

Reader, I just want to let you know something. You are not alone in this. Fear is crippling. It has a tendency to take hold, and once it takes hold, it grows thick roots. It’s nourished by discouragement and failure. But it is a burden which can be laid down.

I am trying to let courage take its place.

What fears will you lay down this year?

Thanks to Ingrid at My Peacetree and Blair at Wild and Precious for their honesty. ❤

*Pictures taken by me.

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13 thoughts on “to lay down fears that hold

  1. I think the worst enemy is our own selves, we are the harshest judge and critics
    Thanks for your honesty, I too have experienced this, so glad to actually have someone like you to acknowledge this.

    Much appreciated

    Jemina
    xoxo

  2. I fear that about my own blog all too often but at the end of the day, I started it for myself with no readers and, if it happens that it ends that way to, then so be it. As long as I have written what I know to be true to me.
    And your blog is always wonderful and thought-provoking, so stop worrying!

  3. boy do i hear you loud and clear. it blows my mind that i get ANY readers.
    but i don’t write to be a “writer”…i’m definitely NOT a writer. i just like to share what’s on my mind. just to feel a little less alone. maybe it will resonate with someone maybe not. if it touches one person that’s good enough for me.
    happy wednesday.

  4. Good post. Glad to know I’m not alone. 🙂 I’ve see-sawed back and forth between trying to write for an audience and just ‘being me,’ and it took me a while to realize that readers were reading ‘just me,’ and weren’t leaving…which means that, in some topsy-turvy way, what they want is ‘just me.’

  5. so so true! i often feel exactly the same way as a blogger. actually, in the past couple months my blog has been booming and i’ve gotten a lot of followers. instead of thinking “oh, i’m clearly good enough just as i am,” i’ve been thinking all the thoughts i used to have in high school like, “oh no! what if i say something they don’t like, or what if they get bored because i can’t keep up being interesting?!” i’ve been learning to take this as a little exercise in confidence though. instead of letting that pressure get to me, i’m just doing what feels right and being gentle with myself in my fears. and the posts i’m most scared of posting end up getting the best comments! so take that insecurities! 🙂 i love this kind of honesty and i’m so glad you’re talking about it.

  6. Trust me- I never ever feel good enough either. Not just in writing. But in everything I do. Maybe that’s unhealthy or maybe it IS healthy to feel a little insecure- because it’s not a horrible thing to feel like you can always improve? Anyways- I think you’re good enough and I love reading your blog. Always.

  7. At the end of the day, your blog is about YOU! I keep telling myself that as soon as blogging becomes a chore and no longer fun is when I will stop. I struggle with posting on a regular basis, but I love the feeling of when I do, a new piece of my day is ready to share. Ultimately, you need to do your blog for yourself. Keep up the good work!

    Eternally yours,
    Stephanie

  8. I might blog about something that’s “in” at the moment, but it’s only because I like it. I will never blog about something that doesn’t truly interest me!

  9. Your blog should be totally about what you believe and feel. It may feel discouraging if you don’t has any many comments or people might not like it but you are not blogging to please anyone. Don’t conform.

    Life is too short to continually worry about what others think and how you may be perceived. Be strong, be confident, trust yourself and most importantly, follow your heart. If you choose to have a blog as a creative outlet, then let it be.

    Keep up with your great blog =)

  10. Very true. But it’s good to keep in mind that we are all just doing our best and making friends in the blogging world at the same time. None of us are professional writers and that’s why we have so much in common. We’re all learning new stuff everyday.

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