The post I am going to post next is something I wrote some time ago, right when I went to the music festival. That was four weeks ago. When I first arrived, I didn’t have internet, and so I didn’t really have anything to do. I’d been afraid for a while of a lot of things, and suddenly they came spilling out. I was away from home for the longest time I’d ever been away from home — not that I was homesick, it was just the change. That compounded with nothing to do and some unexplainable factors just makes me feel depressed for some reason.

I apologize for the personal nature of the work and realize that it might be difficult to read due to that, but at the same time I feel as if feelings like what I had are the kind of feelings that people do face fairly often. When those feelings come, they are crippling. We all are afraid of a lot of things. Some of these things are silly — when I look at my post I realize that the things I was afraid of were pretty silly and stuff I shouldn’t have been afraid of at all.

But while they eat at us, these fears are very real.

We need to do what has to be done — go on in spite of our fears. Acknowledge our own weaknesses rather than avoid them.

Acknowledge the fact that we can gain the strength to go on from other sources, like the encouragement of our family and friends, and God.

And by going on and walking through our fears we can master them.

I’ve stalled posting it for a while, but it needs to be said. Honesty, especially about struggles, is very very hard but I need to be better at it.

By the way, I found myself accepted, and fitting in well. And I did have a chance — I performed once in public and it was okay, though not great. What matters is that I performed, got experience, learned stuff, and will do better in the future. I learned so much, and hopefully I am a better musician for it. I even had fun. A lot of it.

I know that some of my friends from the music festival may be reading this. If you are, then thank you.

Thank you for everything.

The post in question is going up tomorrow.

All photos are under a CC license and used with permission. Click photos for credits.


27 thoughts on “Afraid

  1. I can remember all those fears…being away from home, being alone, performing for the first time in front of an audience, screwing up for the first time in front of an audience…some of these events I wish never happened, yet it made me who I am today. So I won’t change them! (Good, cuz I can’t…)

  2. a late congratulations on your performance! so nerve-wracking and difficult and scary… and beautiful! you are making lots of stories and paving quite the road for yourself! hugs!

  3. I’m excited to read what you have to share tomorrow. I have so much trouble dealing with fears, as I tend to let them get the best of me. I convince myself that my fears are very much real–more so than my abilities or even God’s abilities. It’s definitely crippling to my life, but I have learned so much from having and overcoming these fears with the help of friends, family, and God (like you said).

    Thanks for sharing something so close to your heart!

  4. That picture you selected is beautiful.
    I always am iffy on how personal my posts should be.. Putting such personal thoughts and feelings out there to an often ruthless internet world can be brutal. But sometimes it is just good for the soul to air out the details and grasp a bit of perspective. I commend you on braving it.

  5. Looking forward to it. Sometimes it’s goo to be honest. it’s hard to tell sometimes what might be too much, but fear is something anyone can relate to.

  6. So true! Many times I feel so frightened by things that are going on around me that I start going into a ‘depression’ of a sorts. But just like you said, we’ve got to plunge on despite it. I can’t wait till tomorrow!

  7. I adore all of your bamboo pics…bamboo is so lovely, fast-growing so its supposed to be good for the environment (to use bamboo vs hard wood that is)…and somehow peaceful

  8. Can’t wait to read tomorrow’s post and thank you for being brave. The main thing is you followed through and faced your fear(s). That’s the most important part. As you continue to challenge yourself and remember you have nothing to fear but the actual fear itself because you have your family, friends and God behind you…the fear just might lessen. I believe it’s a possibility.

    xoxo and thanks for your candor.

  9. Whatever it is, I look forward to reading it. It’s hard share deeply personal things, but I’m so glad you do. As for the fear, I’ve learned to welcome it and accept the challenge it poses me. It feels good to plot and plan and overcome it in the end.

  10. I must admit that even the thought of performing in public terrifies me. The fact that you’ve actually seen it through and done it make me immensely proud of you. xxx

  11. Abby, you’re so courageous to face your fears like this. Believe me, I know just how difficult it can be to do so – you really inspire me with your posts and sometimes I feel like I’ve found a kindred spirit, except you’re braver than I am.

  12. fear too rooted me to the same spot for a very long time. but when you hit rock bottom there’s really no way to go but up. sometimes we use these fears as our excuses not to be better, not to shine, not to be happy. when i realized how my own limitations were mostly self-inflicted, i realized too that i can let that go away. because it really is our choice. thank you for sharing & opening your heart to us. that is very brave. 🙂

  13. Pingback: Tear Down These Walls | Loved from the Start

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