I am seriously about to cry right now.

I received a message from a very dear friend. She’s been depressed for some time and she’s been cutting and undergoing a lot of physical and verbal abuse.

Or so she said. 

The message told us that she is in the process of getting help for what she’s going through. 

And then she said that she hasn’t been  honest with us. She told us that she’s been cutting and undergoing a lot of physical and verbal abuse at the hands of her parents. 

She hasn’t. 

She said that reading about everyone else’s stories made her own stories feel insignificant for not being as terrible. So she exaggerated things to make them worse to get people to talk to her.

We would have talked to her anyway. Whether her stories were terrible. Or not. I would have talked to her. My stories aren’t really bad at all. But others still talked to me. And checked up on me. Why wouldn’t they have talked to her? Somehow she felt that way.

She hasn’t been cutting for two years. 

Basically this all means that she lied to me. To all of us.

And even though I know what she’s talking about I feel betrayed.

But honestly. I shouldn’t be harsh on her. I know exactly what she’s talking about… the pull of exaggerating our own mundane boring stories to make people pay more attention and talk to us. Especially in the groups both of us frequent. Because deep down inside, I do want people to notice me. And talk to me. And accept me. 

We’re all the same in that regard. We’ll do crazy things to be accepted. I’ve done crazy things. I can’t think of them on the top of my head but I know they’re there. Some of them I really don’t like to think about. I’ve lied as well. Many times. 

I’m really no different from my friend. Or anyone else, I suppose. 

However, people either accept us, or they don’t. If they won’t accept you or notice you for what you are, then what kind of friends are they? And there are wonderful people who will accept us for who we are, no matter what. 

I’m relieved that she really isn’t doing as badly as she said she was. I’m so happy that her life isn’t as awful. I’m glad that she hasn’t cut for two years. I’m really really thankful for that. As much as I’d like to shake her for lying to us, I want to hug her for being honest and taking that step, even though it must have been really scary. I’m so glad that she’s seeking help. That’s what I should be concerned with, rather than the issue of her lying to us for a few months. 

Natalee, this is for you. Keep growing toward the light. 

You can do it.

One thought on “Tears

  1. well just cuz she’s not cutting doesn’t mean her life isn’t as bad… but the fact that she told you might mean that it’s getting better? was it voluntary? you’ll have to reply on my xanga or somethiing

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s